woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize