I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
