If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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