It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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