i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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