LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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