how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
