They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
