I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
