i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
