East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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