no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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