I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
