Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
