Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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