he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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