As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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