she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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