ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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