I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
