were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
