she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
