I just saw a hot homeless man
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
