i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
