Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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