Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
