He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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