Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
