He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
