Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
