In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
