I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize