just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
