Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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