He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
