Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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