I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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