he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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