So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
