He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
