nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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