my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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