Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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