no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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