The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
