I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
