even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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