So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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