I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
