I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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