We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
