Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
