The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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