What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
