This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
