On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
