Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What drink are we having for lunch?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
