You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
