I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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