cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
