I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
