I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
