We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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