Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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