My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
