Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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