My liver just broke up with me...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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